If you’ve found yourself feeling like a failure or guilty for not being able to breastfeed, you’re not alone. Feeding your baby can be so emotionally loaded, even when you didn’t feel strongly about breastfeeding before the baby came. And then the unexpected challenges that are common with breastfeeding, can throw us into absolute emotional chaos (on top of all of the other postpartum whirlwinds). 

“Why do I feel such a failure?”

 1. You were promised an idealised version of breastfeeding

Many mums are told that breastfeeding is easy, instinctive, bonding, and the “right” thing to do. When reality doesn’t match that promise, when it hurts, when baby can’t latch, when supply takes time to catch up, when trauma or mental health struggles get in the way, it’s natural to blame yourself.

2. Society places pressure on mothers, not support

We talk a lot about “breast is best” but far less about the lack of accessible support, the emotional toll of early parenthood, or the sheer physical demands of feeding a newborn. You were expected to succeed in conditions that often make success incredibly difficult. And then when you struggle, you hear “fed is best”. Which adds invalidation to injury, and doesn’t acknowledge that perhaps for you, the solution isn’t as straightforward as switching breast for bottle and never looking back. 

3. Guilt is a sign of how deeply you care

You feel guilty because you want the best for your baby, not because you’ve done something wrong. Breastfeeding is a complex physical, hormonal, emotional, logistical and relational process. It is not a simple matter of willpower.

You Deserve Self-Compassion

You might be talking to yourself harshly right now: 
“I should’ve tried harder.” 
“I’m letting my baby down.” 
“Other mums can breastfeed… why couldn’t I?”

But take a moment to imagine if a close friend came to you with those words. 
Would you judge her? 
Would you tell her she failed? 
Or would you hold her, reassure her, remind her that she’s doing her best?

Instead of:

“I failed at breastfeeding.”

Try:

“I did everything I could in circumstances that were incredibly hard.” 
“My worth isn't defined by a feeding method.” 
“I made the best choice for my baby and for me.” 
“I deserve kindness, too.”

We understand how you feel, and you aren’t alone in navigating this

Whether breastfeeding didn’t work, didn’t feel right, or didn’t support your mental health, you are still a loving, committed, thoughtful parent. Your baby is lucky to have you. And you deserve the same compassion, support, and understanding you would offer anyone else navigating something this complex and emotional.